November 08, 2006

Epilogue

First and foremost, if you haven't quite gotten it, I broke up with my girlfriend. Yep, that will be the Ah Girl that I've been referring to since... well, what feels like ages ago. But if you need to know, it's less than 2 years. And if you need to know (and God knows why you have not figured it out yet), this relationship ended 2 months ago. I never knew when it started, because I don't believe in the whole crappy idea of having a start date then, anniversaries. I don't believe in milestones, only moments. So, disillusioned me thought that if there's no starting date, may there be no ending date too. And, of course, that's a very idealistic wish.

For all of you who have been kept in the loop about my sleep problems and basically, my entire life now as a problem, and have been checking on me in all your little and big ways, you will be happy to know that today, I start blogging. Again. Not as The Atomic Princess anymore. Actually, that name just stuck. I can't even remember why I named myself that. Anyway, I think I am who I am. (Notice I used 'think'. Because then, I can think otherwise when my mood changes again.) And there's no denying that anymore. I'm not trying to be humble about it anymore.

I am Saint Jancy. Or you can just call me Jancy.

xxx

Let it be known that I am still depressed and I've never stopped being disillusioned. And being with some sociology-student (or sociologist) friends couldn't have helped. But, I still love soci. When I make enough money to pursue my masters, I'm most likely to do my masters in Soci. I just love being disillusioned and potentially, perpetually depressed. So what?!

And doc just gave me a new bot of cough syrup (actually, I just needed the MC for missing work today) which is supposed to make me feel more drowsy in a shorter time. How nice!

I'm allowed to miss my x-girlfriend from time to time. I'm allowed to miss who we were. I'm allowed to cry a little than to repress my pain. I'm allowed to take tiny steps, if I can, towards the end of the tunnel, even if I can't see the end yet. I'm not allowed to wallow deeper in self-pity. I'm not allowed to go back further into the tunnel. I'm allowed time but not my whole life.

Just don't assume you know me all that well. I've had enough of all you people with your self-righteousness and all the judgement you've passed on me.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:30